


I Forgive You

by Phineasflynns



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Some mild angst but Phil takes care of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2016-11-17
Packaged: 2018-08-31 14:26:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8581993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phineasflynns/pseuds/Phineasflynns
Summary: Dan has been stressing about how he behaved toward Phil many years ago, and realizes he never apologized for what a twat he was.





	

Dan sighs softly as he restlessly turns in his bed for what feels like the tenth time in the last half an hour. Most nights he would be asleep by now, the thought confirmed by the alarm clock next to his bed glowing in the dark room, showing that it’s well past four in the morning. Dan groans and throws his arm over his eyes as he rolls back onto his back. Not for the first time, he wishes Phil was in bed with him. 

 

Though, he admits, it was his own fault he wasn’t; Dan had been torturing himself with thoughts of the past all day, so when Phil asked if he was coming to bed he’d said no. Phil had looked hurt but accepted Dan’s answer and wandered off to bed, and when the time came for Dan to go to bed he’d been too ashamed to push open Phil’s door and ask for forgiveness. 

 

Instead he had reluctantly entered his own bedroom, closed the door behind him, and flopped into his bed. His bed feels foreign now, almost like a hotel bed after so long spent sharing Phil’s bed. The few feet of space to his side feels like a void, the space usually taken up by Phil, gangly arms pushed under the pillows and draped over Dan. 

 

He sighs again.

 

His chest aches as his mind wanders back to the past, as it had been for several weeks, and once again he feels the urge to apologize profusely to Phil. He knows Phil has already forgiven him -if he hadn’t then he would have moved out long ago- but still Dan can’t help but fear that he’s held onto those harsh words all this time and let them eat away at him. He knows Phil sometimes can’t help it, but he also knows that it’s harder for him to brush off when the harsh words come from his boyfriend and not random people on the internet. 

 

_ “Just get the fuck away from me!” Dan snarls, hands meeting Phil’s chest to firmly shove him away.  _

 

_ Phil stumbles and flails out his hands to catch something to regain his balance, eventually managing to grab a chair and the wall. He stays frozen in that position for a moment, warily looking at Dan. His gaze searches the younger man’s eyes, and he doesn’t see any regret. What were previously warm chocolate pools are now cold and hard, and Phil feels as though his heart has been twisted. He stands up properly and averts his gaze. _

 

_ “Sorry.” He mutters. _

 

_ Dan snorts and turns, stomping away from his friend. A moment later, a door is slammed.  _

 

_ He doesn’t see Phil flinch. _

 

Dan cringes, shaking his head to clear it, chest aching as he remembers the look on Phil’s face. Phil, normally so happy and upbeat, had looked positively crushed. Dan could see it in his eyes; he’d hurt him. At the time, he hadn’t cared. Well, that’s what he’d told himself. Dan longs for Phil’s company, wishes he could get up and slip out his door and into Phil’s room, but guilt keeps him frozen in his empty and too cold bed. 

 

“Phil.” He breathes, the word a ragged whisper as tears prick at the corners of his eyes. His chest feels heavy and he feels like he might puke, and he tries to shake his head to clear it. 

 

He knows Phil loves him, he can see it in the older man’s eyes, but as panic settles in, his sleep deprived brain forgets the truth of those words. His stomach twists as he blinks back tears.

 

Phil must love him, right? Or else he wouldn’t still be here- he would have moved on, gotten a new apartment with someone else. Probably be married by now, and have a dog and maybe a kid- 

 

He stops that train of thought, lower lip trembling as he tries to reel himself in, tries in vain to contain those thoughts, but his grasp on the truth slips away and the tears break free despite his best efforts. 

 

“Phil.” He repeats, this time a bit louder, even though the voices in his mind are screaming at him to leave Phil alone, and not be a bother. “Phil!” 

 

The door is thrown open within a second and Phil steps through, blinded without his contact lenses or glasses, hair sticking up in odd directions. He approaches the bed quickly and Dan sits up, shaking his head and pushing his face into his hands.

 

“Sorry- Sorry.” He rambles, shaking as Phil kneels next to him on the bed and his arms wrap around Dan. “Sorry- you were sleeping I should have left you alone-”

 

Phil gently hushes him, shaking his head as he holds him close. Dan’s hands lift to clutch at the arm crossing his chest, and his head tilts to hit Phil’s shoulder. 

 

“I’m sorry.” He says again, and Phil shakes his head.

 

“Dan, it’s okay.” He assures him gently, but Dan shakes his head.

 

“Not for waking you up, this time.” He whispers, and confusion takes over Phil’s features. He squeezes Dan, and makes a soft noise of confusion, giving Dan the option to continue should he want to. “For what a twat I was.” He explains weakly.

 

Phil’s eyes widen in surprise- he knows exactly what Dan means when he says that; he can hear it in his voice. 

 

“Hey, bear, it’s okay.” He says gently, and Dan shakes his head. “We both said some stuff we shouldn’t have. We were young.”

 

“You weren’t mean to me.” Dan whispers, and they both know it’s true. 

 

Phil may have screamed back and slammed a few doors, thrown a few glasses against a wall in the kitchen, but he had never tried to strike at Dan’s insecurities- even when Dan himself had constantly gone for the jugular when provoking Phil. He’d never laid a hand on Dan, or made him feel threatened. But Dan had done just that to Phil. He’d thrown things at him, screamed at him, pushed him, hit him- He had been a monster.

 

“You were scared.” Phil says after a moment, shifting into a more comfortable position and pulling Dan closer. “You were young. That doesn’t excuse what you did, but I know you were just scared. People were putting a lot of pressure on you, and you didn’t handle it well. You were wrong.” He meets Dan’s gaze, and offers a small smile. “But I forgive you.”

 

Dan sniffles pathetically and shifts so he can grasp Phil’s face gently between his hands, determinedly locking gazes with Phil.

 

“Philip Michael Lester,” He says, voice trembling. “I love you. I’ve known I’ve loved you since I first laid eyes on you at that train station. I was horrible to you, and I’m so sorry. I tried to deny how I felt and I-” He falters. “I love you. I love you so much and I’m so fucking sorry Phil, I can never fucking make it up to you for how I behaved-”

 

He stops when Phil’s fingers gently cover his mouth, and takes a deep breath to try to calm down.

 

“Bear,” He says gently, and Dan’s chest aches. 

 

“If you hate me,” He interrupts, hands shaking on Phil’s cheeks. Phil lifts his hands to gently cover them. “I’ll understand. If you want to move out and go live with PJ, I won’t stop you-”

 

“Dan,” His voice is gentle, and so full of love that Dan feels as though his breath has been taken away. “I don’t hate you, and I don’t want to go live with PJ. If I ever try to leave you, please assume I’ve been kidnapped and replaced by a robot.” He smiles slightly, and a weak but genuine laugh escapes Dan, and his eyes slip shut to conceal the rush of emotion flooding him. “I love you.”

 

“I love you.” Dan whispers, and Phil smiles wider now.

 

“I love you, Bear.” He says once more, firmer, voice filled with conviction. Dan nods, believing him, allowing some of the guilt to ebb away. “Everybody makes mistakes, and I refuse to judge you or leave you just because we had a rough year quite some time ago.” He presses trembling lips to Dan’s forehead, and it’s only then that Dan realizes that Phil is crying too. “Besides, look at us.”

 

He falls silent, and Dan’s eyes open. He’s face to face with Phil, and brown meets blue, the warmth in Phil’s gaze warming his chest. He smiles slightly.

 

“Look at us? You mean look at the two crazy adults crying in a bed?” He mumbles, and Phil chuckles softly.

 

“That too.” He says, squeezing Dan’s hands as he lowers their hands from his face to his lap. “I agree we probably look a little nuts.” He pauses. “We’re right back where we used to be.”

 

Dan makes a face and winds up responding sarcastically, unsure what Phil means.

 

“Um, wrong, usually I’m crying in  _ your _ room.”

 

Phil can’t help but laugh, pulling Dan closer to his chest as laughter shakes his body, and after a moment Dan can’t help but join in. 

 

“No, bear. We’re…” He pauses, thinking of how to make Dan understand what he means. “We’re back to 2009.” He finally says, and realization dawns on Dan’s face. 

 

His throat feels tight and he swallows thickly, determinedly forcing back tears.

 

“Are you growing your hair out again then?”

 

“Let’s not get too crazy.”

 

Dan giggles and bows his head so his face meets the crook of Phil’s shoulder, and Phil releases his hands so he can wrap his arms around Dan. Dan inhales gently, the smell of Phil so familiar and relaxing that the last lingering shreds of fear and panic fade away, slipping to the back of his mind. 

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Are you ready to get some sleep?” Phil asks. Dan yawns, and Phil takes that as a yes, shifting them in the bed so they’re lying properly with their heads on the pillows, and he pulls the blankets over them.

 

“Goodnight, Phil.” Dan mumbles. “I love you.”

 

His hands find Phil’s shirt and he grasps it firmly, shuffling closer to Phil, and Phil squeezes Dan gently to his chest.

  
“Goodnight bear. I love you too.”


End file.
